Honest Howie's Ethics Emporium
Proudly Presents

The
BENEDICTION BLOWOUT!!!!!!
We're Overstocked with Denials, Assurances, Exonerations & Exculpations!
C'mon Down and get your Image Spit-Shined
Free Trial Ballons for the Kids
Friends, are
you troubled by allegations of impropriety?
Do the other Ministers whisper and giggle when you walk down the Corridors of Power?
Do
you have problems with Media Scavengers sniffing around your garbage cans?
Are
you the target of pointed questions in the House of Commons?
Are
you the subject of a general inquiry?
Don't despair. C'mon on down to
Honest Howie's Ethics Emporium and we'll fix you up with a made-to-measure, watertight, guaranteed, full-body
BENEDICTION at an 'off the rack' price. But what do you care about the price? It's not like it's coming out of your pocket!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!
But seriously folks. We are a full service Ethical Sales and Service Establishment with eight years of appearance-enhancing experience and our record speaks for itself : Hundreds served, ZERO COMPLAINTS. We
will not rest until
we find a way to find you innocent. That is our promise to you and our delivery rate is 100%, not 95%, not 98%, but
100% pure moral certitude, 100% of the time. Try to get that from your Minister or Rabbi!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I kid The Religions because I love them all dearly. They serve a worthy purpose, but for
your purpose - higher political office in the new Canadian century - a more
full-featured spiritual and moral guidance is required. The Religions (god love em) are just too
rigid & slow for the needs of the modern Politico like yourself. It's a hustle-bustle world and
Honest Howie's is here to help you maximize your
hustle and minimize that
bustle. We'll show you how to clear those
ethical hurdles without breaking stride and, by
gawd, if we have to get out there and physically
throw you over that hurdle well then - that's just what we'll do. All for one Kkkrazzzy price that
YOU DON"T PAY!!
Lobbyists!!! Did you think we had forgotten you?!?!
No way, Jossee! We've got
loopholes in large, medium, small and 'micro mini'. We've got back-doors, side-doors, trap doors and French Doors. We've got work-arounds, work-overs, work-with-me’s and working lunches. We've got golf games, hockey games, bridge games and board games. For a
nominal fee we can get you a meeting with the man who wrote the rules, the man who reads the rules,
and the man who
rules the rules - and there'll still be only two for lunch. We can
DO IT ALL!!! and we
DO do it all.
NEXT WEEK ONLY!!!: Come in for a Spring Makeover and we'll throw in a
Blanket Gag Order for
Your Entire Exempt Staff!!!
How do we do it???VOLUME VOLUME VOLUME!!
But
Hey! Why the hell would you believe me? Let's talk to some satisfied customers;
JEAN CHRETIEN:
Prime Minister/Landholder " For me, dere isn't anybuddy ells I wud call for my whitewashing needs. 'Owie is da Best"
PAUL MARTIN:
Finance Minister/Offshore Shipping Magnate "Honest Howie really goes the extra mile, If you want a man who'll bleed for you, give Howie a call."
ALFONSO GAGLIANO:
Former Public Works Minister/Family Man/Ambassador "Honest Howie did me a lot of favours and Alfonso Gagliano doesn't forget who his friends are. Howie is good people."
MICHAEL J.L. KIRBY:
Senator/Chair of Standing Senate Committee on Social Affairs, Science and Technology currently carrying out a multi-year study of the role of the federal government in Canada's health care system/Director of Extendicare, a private healthcare provider. "People told me, 'Howie can't help you - he's not in that business.' but I figured I'd check him out anyway - and boy am I glad I did! Howie whipped me up a custom-made clean slate in no time flat. I figured I was in for a whopping big invoice for that kind of personalized service but Howie just laughed - "Fagedaboutit," he said, "the taxpayer will pick this one up for you." What a prince of a guy. I'm telling all my friends to give Honest Howie a call.
Brian Tobin:
Former Industry Minister/Family Man/Rookie Lobbyist "What can I say? Howie is
da BOMB!. I was pretty worried about my finances with only my pensions coming in, but Howie got me back
earning in only two weeks! Honest Howie sets the standards and then he blows them away!!! Props! Shout Out! YO YO YO...
There you have it folks... Another bunch of thrilled patrons of
HONEST HOWIE'S ETHICS EMPORIUM. Don't be shy, C'mon down and let our ethical specialists wash those thorny conflicts right outta your hair.
WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE???
C'MON DOWN & SEE HONEST HOWIE
YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU DID !!!